Faith Crisis! How Do We Help Our Kids Choose to Build Their Faith?

One of the blessings and cursings of having adult children is that you begin to see some of the fruits of your parenting efforts. 

I’m by no means saying that our children are the product of our parenting efforts. They always have the option of making different choices than the ones we try to teach them are best, but our parenting influences our children to a great extent, and as our kids get older, we begin to see ways in which we influenced them for good and also ways in which we wish we had influenced them differently. 

One of the difficulties I have encountered in trying to bring my children up in faith is that they tend to eventually do what I did in my teenage years and that is to begin to question, “Have I been brainwashed my whole life? Do I believe what my parents teach simply because I have always been taught it?”

I do think these are important questions to ask. And I am glad my kids question things because that is the only way they will build their own faith. I know they will be strong enough to withstand what is ahead if they are simply coasting on my faith and not building their own. But how do I help them want to build their own?

I think a familiar story with some of my own embellishments may help illustrate what I am learning about this principle lately. 

The Three Little Pigs (a prequel)

There was once a family of 5 pigs, a daddy pig, a mommy pig and 3 triplet boys. The daddy and mommy pigs worked hard to build their family a home. They made bricks and cement, learned woodworking so they could make cabinets and furniture, learned blacksmithing so they could make hinges, locks, and keys, and learned to spin and weave to make curtains, rugs and blankets for their family. 

People in their town and even from far off villages would often come to their home to seek advice or council about a project they were working on. The trusted not only trusted the wisdom in the advice they received, but also the love with which they would always be welcomed. 

The three little pigs watched them with varying degrees of interest. 

One little pig did everything he could to avoid his parents just in case they were going to ask him for help. He didn’t like getting in trouble so he didn’t argue or defy his parents. He simply avoided them as much as he could and played on his phone or found other entertainment that made him feel busy so he didn’t have to feel bad about not helping his parents and family. His friends were of the same sort and they often found ways to distract themselves together. They loved to gossip about the neighbors and make fun of people who were not like them. They played with the hearts of the piggies around them for fun and distraction and did all they could to stay away from their responsibilities without thinking too much about how others felt or how their actions impacted the world around them.

Another little pig would watch and help when asked. He didn’t complain about it, but if no one was asking him to help, he would usually go out and play with his friends so they could talk about the latest neighborhood news and see the latest trends at the piggy shops. He really wanted to be well liked and respected, even by his parents. So he would greet his parents kindly when he’d see them, and was always respectful when asked to listen, but he didn’t go out of his way to talk to them or learn from them.

The third little pig loved to work with his parents and asked a lot of questions so he could understand the process. He also loved talking to his parents as they worked together. They laughed some and cried some as they shared their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Sometimes his parents would wake up to see him hard at work creating a latch or a brick all on his own. He enjoyed teaching his friends some of the things he had learned and he loved learning about their interests and experiences too.

One day, the family decided to go on a picnic to celebrate the triplet’s 16th birthday. This was a big birthday for pigs because it meant they were coming of age and would leave their parents and go and make their own way in the world. They had just set up the blanket and were getting out their turkey and cheese sandwiches when they heard a faint noise in the bushes nearby. 

The father looked closely towards where the noise was coming from and he saw the slightest hint of a wolf tail sticking out the side of a bush. He whispered to his family to run in different directions and then meet back at the house in order to confuse the wolf. In fear, they all obeyed quickly and took off running as fast as they could in order to be safe back at home as soon as possible. What they didn’t realize until later was that their father had ran in the direction of the wolf with his pocket knife, with the intent to fight with the wolf at least long enough for his family to get to safety. 

They never saw him again.

Devastated by this loss and full of gratitude to their father, the pigs decided to stay with their mother and help her finish the house their father had almost finished building for them. Their father left them a modest inheritance because he not only worked hard but also didn’t desire the fancy material things that only stroked the ego.

This resolve to help and gratitude to his father only lasted for about a week for the first pig. He was grateful he was still alive, and he liked and missed his father, but realized he didn’t know him all that well, and soon enough he was out distracting himself with his friends again. However, his inheritance provided means for him to engage in more destructive behavior to numb away the pain he felt.

The second pig would help as needed, but would tire easily because he wasn’t used to so much work. Then he would try to numb away his pain by buying a new hat or jacket or other material thing to stroke his ego. In order to not feel too bad about his lack of work at times, he would use some of his inheritance to pay someone else to come do a job his father had once done

The third pig did not change his lifestyle much. He and his mother continued to work together as they always had. They comforted each other with words his father used to say and by continuing on with the work they had begun with him. Within the year, the home was finished and the pigs knew it was now time to go make their own way in the world. 

They were of course reluctant to leave their mother on her own, but she assured them that she had many friends that would keep her company and that this is what their father would have wanted, so they set off to build their own homes and eventually start their own families.

They went seeking for land to settle on that would be big enough to raise their own livestock and gardens. They came to a field not too far from the city. The first pig was tired from walking by then. He wasn’t used to long excursions and had not built up endurance for work. He said, I will build my house right here! His brothers asked, “Are you sure? There isn’t a lot of space or materials to work with.” I don’t need a lot of space for the lifestyle I want.” he said. I can be closer to my friend here and there is plenty of hay with which to build a house quickly. I don’t intend to be home much anyway. I think this spot is perfect for me. 

The other two brothers traveled a little ways farther and the second pig said, “I think this is the spot for me. He thought to himself, “It can be easily seen from the city so the others can see me working and see all the cool things I will put in and around my house.” His brother mentioned that there wasn’t a lot of shelter from the wind and elements in that spot and the ground was too hard to dig out a foundation. The second pig validated his thoughts and assured him he could make it work. He thought to himself “Foundations are overrated, anyway. No one can see them. Besides, I am too tired to walk farther and there are plenty of trees here to build a strong house. Not like the one made of hay like our lazy brother is building!”

So the third pig walked farther on his own to a spot near a river. The ground was perfect for planting and raising livestock and the river would not only provide the water he would need for his dreams, but would also make it easy to visit and check on his mother by raft. He began to dig the foundation and make the bricks. He knew the building process well since he had watched his father and helped him so often.

You know the rest of the story. His brothers mocked him for taking so long and working so hard as they set off with friends to either impress them or distract themselves. Until the wolf comes to the village again.

The Storms 

The storms the wolf blows into our lives differ from person to person. In my experience, for kids who have grown up in a religious home, it often comes through attacks based on interpretation of history by people who were not there, but who want to shake their faith. They may take a quote or action by someone respected in religion and twist the motives behind it or take it out of context. They even flat out lie about events or words and the supposed evidence behind their assertions. This tends to make someone distrustful of someone they once trusted which makes them distrustful of everything for a time. If they don’t choose to do the groundwork of figuring out then who and what they trust, they tend to then just get swayed by whatever opinion sounds good at the moment. There is no sure foundation to stand on if they don’t take the time to dig one.

As a mom, I wish I could do the work for my kids, but if we could take God as the Father in the story I read and us as the mother in the story (whether we are male or female) – our work is to work with the Father in building the best home we can and inviting our children to help. In the end, they get the choice about the effort they will put in. It is their effort that builds their spiritual muscles, or in other words, their faith. 

Spiritual Muscles

So that’s what I have been pondering on lately. How do I inspire my kids to desire to build their spiritual muscles? A lesson that I have come to see more and more clearly in my life is that living a life of faith brings trust in a God who is a good Father. This brings an underlying peace to everything in my life. No matter what happens I can absolutely trust that somehow, God can turn it to be something that will be helpful to me in the long run. This trust makes it so that circumstances cannot away that peace, no matter what happens.

It took me a while to learn this. I knew the concept, but I still worried about stuff. I worried about making the best decision, about my list of things to do, about my weaknesses and how they affected my family… but lately I am coming to be at peace in uncertainty. I know that if I move forward in the best way I currently understand, God will honor my efforts. I know that if I make mistakes along the way, God will make them learning experiences that will bring me closer to Him. I know that when my weaknesses hold me back, I can be grateful that my weaknesses keep me humble and humility helps me be closer to God. 

Sharing the Love and Joy

What I want more than anything is to have the sanctifying power of the Holy Ghost in my heart as much as possible so that He can purify my motives and fill me with the pure love of Christ, so I can keep the fears and worries away and move forward in peace more and more in my life.

I wish I had understood this when my kids were younger. I think I sometimes made living the gospel look a bit stressful. I worried about more than I needed to worry about. But I know that even that can be turned for good and I can try to show my kids what I have learned from all of it. And again, they can choose to do the work of learning for themselves or not. That is up to them. All I can do is keep building with God, and inviting them to learn along with me. 

I guess the point I am trying to get across in all this, is that we cannot force faith, but we can inspire it by the way we live. And our faith will bring blessings to the lives of the people around us. I love the story of Jesus and the paralyzed man. His friends wanted him to be healed (we often feel this way about our children at different times in their lives) and they did whatever it took to get them to Jesus – even breaking open a roof and lowering him down. What love! And Jesus “saw their faith” and healed him. I want to do all in my power to get my kids to Jesus and know He will see my faith and heal them in His time and as they learn what they need to learn from their experience.

I know I won’t inspire faith or share it with others by my stress and list of things to do. I will inspire it in my kids as they see my peace and love and joy in the knowledge that all things are working together for our good by that God who loves us more than we can understand. 

(If you are looking for ideas in building a life of faith, I do have a program that I created in my efforts to give my kids a blueprint if they want to learn it for themselves. It’s called Find Your Path: Your Warrior Journey. You can get it free with any monthly donation to our non-profit organization. Just let me know that you want it when you sign up and I will send you an email with your login information. If you’re already a monthly donor, just email me and I’ll send you that link. I’m currently updating the physical books and they will be available soon.

Thanks for listening. I will end with this beautiful scripture found in Philippians 4:11-13 “I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”